heart, soul & three dozen years in the bag.

i have reached the 3 weeks & counting period of the pregnancy aka 'the i'm ready, no wait, i'm not ready, wait, yes i am, heck i don't know...let's just get this baby out of my body' period. i timed some contractions earlier this week & they consistently came at every 6 minutes. i laid on the couch that night with my mind racing...i still haven't packed my hospital bag. and the house is still a catastrophe! mike has been making so much progress though. i think the urgency factor finally kicked in & i am grateful for that! he's finishing up with the buffing process today & applying stain. he even worked through the day yesterday...his birthday! and might i add...this was his sole decision, i had nothing to do with him slaving away on his birthday...for the record =) oliver & i baked him a "happy happy"...& when i say baked, i mean stacked a nine story oreo cookie cake. something i found on a website once. and since all three of us have a slight addiction to oreos...it was a nine story hit...until oliver decided to play oreo jenga & pick out all the vanilla flavored ones =)

so i've been trying to manage my {somedays uncontrollable} pregnancy induced emotions/hormones/chemical imbalances that i've slowly started to notice creep back into place. down this road again?! i was hoping it would be manageable, but i am starting to feel it slip. it's a road i'm ready to tackle, however. basing a lot of the newborn decisions {like breastfeeding} on this chemical management. i want to be a strong mother. i want to be a mentally healthy mother. and to take on prescription free/unmanaged depression with a newborn & an oliver...is not an option, period. i fully plan on tackling this issue again once schweitzbaby two arrives. i can't & refuse to slip like i did the first time.

but there have been a few things that have made my heart ache & sink lately. it is no lie that my soul was left in the mountains. it's why michael & i have such a connection i believe, b/c we share this similar need. the need to feel the mountain air on our faces & breathe it in. there is a sense of peace & despite the storm we endured the majority of the time we were mountain living {due to the above mentioned issue}...i truly appreciate the way the mountains made me feel. i'm reminded almost daily of the experience of living in colorado. and then comes the crossroads. the heart & soul crossroads. it's a blessing to have family as generous & loving as both of ours. and that's why the heart is here, right where we reside. but the soul...the soul is lost somewhere out west. it's the lifestyle. the experiences. the ease. and something i would surely never take for granted if we were able to live in the mountains once again.

anyway, the reality of both issues here: we are surviving. we will survive. and we will certainly make sure that our babies are given everything they need to thrive =) i'm getting very anxious about how the next 3ish weeks are going to go! i'm anticipating how our family dynamic is going to change! and i'm ready to take on all of the challenges! and now that mike has 3 dozen years in the bag as well, he's one year older & wiser, which makes him all the more proud to take on all of these challenges as well ;) happy happy michael! we love you!

the three ring ranch.

when we would take our frequent drives in colorado...we would sometimes end up in an area that was speckled with ranches. mostly horse ranches from what i could tell, but one thing was always certain...at the entrance of their sometimes gated drive there would be a big elaborate sign stating the name of their acreage. while some more creative than others, i asked mike what our ranch would be named if we lived on one...and we came up with 'the three ring ranch'. a play on a three ring circus =) so hence the post title...it has been nothing short of a three ring ranch around here lately!

we started prepping the kitchen today for the restart of "the michaeleyna floor renovation project". i have changed the name due to the proceedings w/ the much anticipated confirmation that we will start immediately. michael brought home the tile that will be placed in the bathroom & entryway, once the kitchen floor is done. and the new carpet is scheduled for this friday! we'll be staying up at the 'parental hotel' again while the dust flies during the sanding process & the stain is applied. as much as i want to help & get my own hands dirty in the renovation, i'm physically incapable of doing so =( and breathing in toxic fumes is not acceptable pregnant lady behavior. but, on the day the carpet is laid, i'll probably come over just to lay around on it & breath in it's lovely 'new carpet' smell for a bit. that change alone is going to be a-maz-ing! i do plan on making a photographic log of the progress, including before's & after's...but i am going to wait until the final projects are complete before posting. just to take a little pressure off. i, more than likely, won't be posting either until then, or the new baby arrives! i've got some other much needed organization & catch up to tend to. so i'm giving myself a blogging time-out for now. but stay tuned to the exciting announcements soon to come! over & out.

waddling talking unpredictable baby bomb!

it's snowing, oliver & i are eating fruit loops, sitting on the couch contemplating the day. and then this conversation happened:

oliver starts: "poop mommy"

"ohhhh {wincing & smelling him as he butted up against me on the couch}, did you poop em olly?"

"yeah"

"yes you did, wow, you smell like piggies, should we change your pants?"

"no"

"why not, that's gross, you don't like poop all over your butt"

"yes"

"why"

"poop mommy"

wow...things are really starting to unfold this morning. and the point of this is not so much to share with you the intricate details of oliver's bowel movements, but to mention that there are real conversations starting to happen around here. i noticed it yesterday when we were on the phone with mike. and usually i can't make out all the words, but he's spitting out sentence fragments as he's looking me straight in the eye expecting a response. and all i can come up with most times is "oh is that right" & "really, you don't say" & "what the what" or mike's "i think you're not telling the truth"...& then oliver will smile so big, satisfied with the correspondence. and it ends with us scratching our heads, asking what the heck that was all about. but it's cute, b/c oliver thinks he just had the most intellectual conversation he could have ever had with mommy & daddy...& maybe he did.

anyway, it's a saturday & i'm getting zippo accomplished. i'm annoyed...i'll leave it at that. just a waddling talking unpredictable baby bomb i am! and that's the given right i'm giving myself today. happy weekend.

it's snowing today. which brings me back to oliver's vocabulary development. he's very much into us telling him a word & then repeating it like he's listening to a rosetta stone 'learn english for the first time' cd. "snowing" "snowing" "snowing"...each time, feeling more proud about his usage of the new word. and each time, making me more proud of him for just being him...& it's one step closer to his acceptance into harvard. "poop mommy" =)

i'm thinking of the number...

ten - the date i'm predicting schweitzbaby two to arrive.

two, four & six - each a separate time that i will most likely be up going to bathroom tonight.

sixty - the amount of minutes i've sat here with "the falsies" - see 'oh my aching uterus' post to find out more about that.

forty seven - the volume level on the tv, so i can hear over michael's snoring.

four - the current temperature degrees fahrenheit.

three - the number of bags i need to pack this weekend to prepare for an unpredictable entrance into labor: one for oliver's stay overnight bag, one for the hospital & one for emergency reasons if god-so-help-me my water breaks while i'm at work!

eight five - the number of glasses of water i've drank today...better add one, three & five to my 'potty' run times =)

thirty - the whole reason why i started to think about numbers...thirty...the age i will turn this year. for some reason, this is giving me more anxiety than having a human being inside of me stealing my brains. thirty years doesn't freak me out b/c i feel old...to call yourself thirty is just weird. i still feel like i'm only seventeen, or in my early twenties, or six for that matter...but thirty...hmmmmmmm. weird.

one - the three most important number one loves of my life...that are sleeping away...well, one is doing somersaults in my belly.

preparing to welcome child number two.

as a parent, becoming a parent again with child number two, i think my first fear/worry is 'how is child number one going to react to child number two entering our world??? i fear that oliver's little feelers will be hurt when the attention isn't on him 24/7 anymore. i fear that he will act out irrationally in public, to show me & a million strangers that he's not getting the attention he needs. i fear that it'll lead to all sorts of issues when he's entering into his adolescence & adulthood. okay...so maybe i don't fear that far...but it happens!!! i mean, he can hardly stand that i'm giving the laptop more attention than him right now just trying to tell this story...oh man! more fear!

often, i have people ask me "oh is oliver excited for the new baby?" and i don't get it...he's two...he barely knows the difference between his pants & a spoon. how is he supposed to interpret his emotions for a new baby? i can barely do that =) oliver engages in "baby" talk as much as he can, but it's hard to tell if he's excited or understands what is about to happen. how do i know?! how does anyone know?! he says "baby" when i ask 'who's in there?'...but i can't really determine what's going on inside that expanding 2 year old brain of his. because he also points to my belly button & says "brokey" which translates to broken...& i have to agree with him...my belly button is by far the furthest protrusion of my body & that just isn't right! it looks brokey for sure!

i also anticipate the feeling i'm going to personally have when there's another little being to love with all of my heart. i thought that it couldn't ache anymore with love for the tiny human you created, but it's going to. i may explode! and then WHO'S going to teach them how to create the most perfect plate of nachos ever in the world & build the best pillow fort in the living room to watch movies until way late hours on the weekends?

the fears aside, i know that all i can do is love each of my boys with every last piece of me & trust that everything will turn out just fine. and that's just what i'm going to do.

oh my aching uterus!

for real...these false contractions are obnoxious! and what's worked in the past to get them to pass along is to chug about 18 glasses of water & sit down...in doing so, i decided that i might as well share my current condition with you bloggies {plus...my time to openly complain about everything & not get "the look" is quickly coming to an end}. i've continued to experience this since i first reported. even reporting the continued irritation to my doctor...but, honestly, they aren't anything out of the norm & i'm not experiencing any of the 'you're in labor!' symptoms. goes to show...that no two pregnancies are the same! i was hoping for another clockwork labor...and maybe it will still be once i get to the hospital, but these falsies are sucking! i mean, why does my uterus need to exercise...it's already been exercised by one kid already?! however, if it means that i will push for less than my first time {20 mins - ha!}, then i'll gladly embrace the pre-labor "contractions"! the 20th of january i anticipate my last bi-weekly doctor appointment...then...every week! there's another planned ultrasound in there somewhere too, to check out little mans weight, position, etc.

as far as preparation goes...i'm stuck somewhere between 'i need to get some more things crossed off my list asap' & 'i'm just gonna wing it, it'll be fine'. we weren't completely prepared when oliver arrived...i mean, c'mon, i was unemployed & living with my parents, mike was working up in sioux falls, living with his parents, we had no nursery set up awaiting...& oliver doesn't seem to hold it against us, nor has he expressed that we are slacker parents...so, i think we'll be okay. i have added some menu items that are more motherly to my 'done it' list: jello & chicken pot pie. not together, but as separate entities...both were a hit...& mike & i decided that we both had forgotten how much we liked jello!

i have no photos this post...just my words. but i can share that i am planning on a little project of my own during my maternity leave. i've been inspired by two fellow bloggers & photogs with their 365 {a photo a day} projects they completed in 2011. and...although i someday am going to complete this very same project, i can't fathom taking it on this year...plus, i'd already be 10 days behind & then that would lead to 20 & then 94 days behind & then it wouldn't happen. so, during my maternity leave, i plan on doing a mini photo a day project...for the whole 6 weeks {i need more! but that's another post} i'll be home with our two boys. we'll see how the creative juices flow post-partum with 2 kiddos...alone...all day...gulp!

it sucked & then i cried.

this post is a heaping pile of random, so get ready. i was going through old folders & files of photos b/c i'm now on the organizing everything kick that even the computer desktop must make room for new! so, please allow me to photo vomit on you. i believe that most of these photos were never posted, but should have been.

we've seen some progress on the home projects in the past week. mike has actually been like crazy picker upper of everything, clothes-folder & dish-doer...which i am fondly impressed with & appreciative of...i'm not getting any smaller, more energized or motivated these days. aside from general cleanliness, we picked out new carpet & tile for the kitchen & rest of the house! whoop! shopping for flooring was a little less painful than car shopping, and i'm glad i don't have to do it every day. so, we're looking forward to the flooring facelift coming in the next week...yay! other than that, i've been showing up on the motherly/girlfriendly duties like: making kick butt meals, homemade cookies, slowly putting together baby stuff here & there...re-constructed the infamous spewed on baby carseat {sans the spewage}...& i've found a book that has been thoroughly entertaining. this go-around, i didn't have the cliche 'run to the book store & grab as many books to educate myself' urge. and aside from everything happening in life, i just don't usually make the time to read.

'it sucked & then i cried' is a book by the author heather armstrong. she's the founder of dooce.com {i believe some of you bloggies will be famliar}. although i've only touched on the first couple of chapters, she's an extremely brilliant story teller. and it touches home in the fact that she's openly expressing her battle with post-partum depression. it's a book that those who have suffered major effects from the chemical imbalances left behind from pregnancy can really relate to. i've been clinging to it, b/c like her, no amount of exercise or humming with your legs crossed on a yoga mat is going to "fix" it. i feared when i became pregnant again that i would slip into my symptoms i was just starting to get rid of, and to an extent, i have. it's not anything you can tell yourself to put on a shelf. it's not anything that you can wish away. i am strengthened by the words of someone else who has really gone through the same thing. to the same magnitude. and her humor takes away some of the sting.

one other more recent finding...as i'm busily trying to finish up on my cousin's wedding photos, i came across some moon photos that michael had taken the other night/morning. see, i tend to fall asleep early, so most nights, he doesn't have my vivacious personality to entertain him =)

and now for the complete randomness...

this was a visit up to sioux falls to see the schweitz's...the kids all look so young!

oliver loved golfing this past summer...he frequently joined his daddy on the course. 

it must have rained?

easter...pants optional.

oliver & i attended kinsley's 2nd bday party out on her grandma & grandpa's farm here in town. pony rides! and farm life...oliver had a great time!

stella's cowgirl boots.

and mud! o was in heaven.

on the course again...this time with the doxtads.

another storm i guess...this one brought hail!

so that leaves me caught up on overdue un-posted photos...and i can now breathe.