pumpkin roo roo the two.

somedays you just have to have a little meltdown, get some reassurance from the doctor, hear some encouraging words from your family & friends, pour another cup of coffee...& move forward. i chose the motto of this blog for a reason. "love. live life. proceed. progress." for a reason. every time i read it, it is enlightening. i took 'gus the bus' to visit his doctor again today. and as i try to shove the thought that i'm a crazy parent always bringing him in to the doctor's office, i can't help but be stressed out to the max with his continuing health condition. because he is still so young, it's hard to pinpoint what exactly is causing all of his problems. it's a combination of the lingering inflammation from the rsv/pneumonia, reflux causing irritation, allergies due to high allergens in the area & the soft tissues in his esophagus collapsing a bit to cause the wheezing. boom. boom. boom. boom. the doc has ruled out any infections or other viral issues. so our treatments will continue with the nebulizer four times a day w/ an added steroid inhalant twice a day. we have scheduled an appointment with an allergist, in june, to rule out any other possible conditions. but, once again, with his age/size & his ever-evolving immune system, it may not be indicative of anything specific.

patience. strength. and positive attitudes we must continue. so, on a positive note, gus continues to gain weight & grow just the way he should. he weighs 13 lbs...almost doubled his birth weight! so this is good. and he doesn't run a fever & hasn't stopped eating...obviously...he is chunkifying! and those cheeks...oh my...they are a perfect landing strip for mama's kisses xoxo. 

other milestones he's hitting: he's starting to tell me all sorts of "goo stories" as i like to call them. gooo-goooo-goooo-ing very often. he loves to be talked to & loves his mama {heartstring yank!} & his grandma. every time my mother comes over he just looks at her with such adoration. such a sweet, sensitive soul this one has. sigh. he enjoys seeing his brother greet him in the mornings - always giving big brudder olly a smile. and daddy still holds the best-putter-to-sleepy-ever trophy. he's been sleeping very well during the nights too. despite what he has overcome & battles with still, he is a very happy baby! he smiles through all of this, so how can i not stay positive!

my focus has been heavy on gus being sick & i can't help but feel like oliver has been a little neglected...although i know he's not, it's just one of those worries i spoke of yesterday. he has been really excited this week b/c our "zee zee" decided to start watching kids again. and we feel very fortunate that she's only taking on a very small group, so gus can get one on one care that he needs too. monday was oliver's first day back & he barely even said goodbye to me after he ran into the house to play with his old buddy jace {lindsay's little boy}. after she dropped him off yesterday & left, he repeated "zee zee" for a good half an hour. i think this is a good sign that he's very happy with her return ;)

other exciting news happening around us too that i must give some shout outs about {i don't remember what i've mentioned & haven't???}:

my bff hillary, was engaged to her boyfriend john last month...so we have some fun planning ahead. yes, i said we =) haha, she's asked me to be her MOH, so i have some party planning in the future. they've set they're wedding date for august 24th. a nostalgic date, as this is my grandparent's anniversary too!

mike's sister, emily & cory, are expecting their third baby come november! another cousin will join the crew...cannot wait for another little squishy xoxo.

and in other baby news...my cousin, donna & her hubby lucas, are expecting in october. we'll have another baby hanny/doxtad {boy or girl tbd} by thanksgiving...baby gobble gobble! and my southern friend, libba with  hubs dirk, will welcome a baby peanut in november as well. loving all the life popping up around us! i wish them all continued healthy happy pregnancies - go girls get your oreo addiction on - i think that's what made our little august extra sweet!

i did not say there would be days like these.

...different day...same story. gus has shown no real improvements from our last time at the doctor last week. his breathing is wheezy, his coughs continue, the nebulizer treatments seem endless & his chest just scares the bejezus out of me somedays! i've spent a lot of time visiting w/ his doctor during our visits, but i usually come back the next week with more questions & concerns. what could we be doing differently? if this first year or so is going to be difficult b/c of the rsv @ such a young age, is it going to be ongoing every day? every day? some of those days i just don't have the strength. i don't have the strength a mother should have! and then usually a good cry & a conversation with my mother gets me back in the saddle. i've attempted to go back to work, but just when i do, things take a turn again & we have a bad night. or the wheezing doesn't temporarily get better after breathing treatments. and then the worry/panic sets back in. and although my attempts to take my mind somewhere else {pinterest as of late}, i still have to go back to a sick baby. i would gladly choose working 50 hours a week, if i knew i was coming home to a happy healthy baby.

i know that i'm not the first mother/family to endure this. and, unfortunately, won't be the last. but this whirlwind of chronic conditions is just not easy. i sit on a cushion of anxiety & worry. and i know that worry does no good, but i can only justify it by natural maternal emotions & it won't stop. i kick myself for taking for granted that our experiences with schweitzbaby two were going to be the same as with baby schweitzberger number one. clearly, life has thrown us a mean curveball. this will pass. he will be healthy again someday. and we will be enjoying our time together & not segregated. deep breathes. love to you all. please give your babies big hugs today.

oh. and i turn thirty on friday. hmph.

the "pestering leyna" gene

this face. this darling little face. topped off by a pair of undies aka oliver's "bandit hat" as in the bandit hats from the movie fantastic mr. fox. aka "box" as oliver refers to it as. this face, along with his many silly mannerisms & raging energy is a definite gene carrier of his father's. he. must. pester. and i have to laugh! most of our recent conversations involve something very minute happening {like i drop something & say 'oh no'} & then oliver repetitiously asks "wha happened? wha happened? wha happened?" until i want to bang my head against the wall. and for instance, just moments ago:

mama: why do you do that? {as he's jumping onto my head from the couch}
oliver: what?
m: why?
o: what?
m: why?
o: what?
m: yes, why oliver?
o: what?
m: why?
o: cuz. {and he continues to climb on my head}

he's just very interesting. this is all explained with the most amount of love & humor, don't get me wrong. so, besides the pestering gene coming alive, he also does very obnoxious things like pull off the heat/air registers on the floor & find a cracker down there that he probably dropped down there 45 days ago & eats it. ugh really?! gross. or his love for watching christmas movies at the moment {elf & polar express currently}. or trailing his crumbs all over the carpet after i just vacuumed moments before {libba, you're going to hate it when this happens!} only to acknowledge it in front of him & then it spurs a whole other "wha happened?" spiel. ooooooooh. emmmmmm. geeeeeeeee. =)

i have a lot to update. a lot. but i don't have the time capacity to do so at the moment. gus is currently sick again. same everything as before. we are treating him from home, but it's taking a while for him to feel better. this is going to be a trying year! i have mother's day photos to post. gus turned 2 months old. and i also stand before you, admitting that i have traded my eating 18 oreos a day addiction for pinterest. it's bad. but it's soooo so good! i'm obsessed. but this is really a perfect thing for me. i hate collecting things. i strive to be a minimalist, but this website allows me to be a world wide web hoarder. mike has pretty much banned me from the internet now & diy project ideas! but it's the perfect thing, because there is an app for it & i can pin while i'm giving gus a neb treatment, or trying to rock him to sleep...& since these two tasks are quite frequent around here...i get a lot of pinspiration. check my site out below & i hope to update more on everything in the near future.

very pinteresting!