...different day...same story. gus has shown no real improvements from our last time at the doctor last week. his breathing is wheezy, his coughs continue, the nebulizer treatments seem endless & his chest just scares the bejezus out of me somedays! i've spent a lot of time visiting w/ his doctor during our visits, but i usually come back the next week with more questions & concerns. what could we be doing differently? if this first year or so is going to be difficult b/c of the rsv @ such a young age, is it going to be ongoing every day? every day? some of those days i just don't have the strength. i don't have the strength a mother should have! and then usually a good cry & a conversation with my mother gets me back in the saddle. i've attempted to go back to work, but just when i do, things take a turn again & we have a bad night. or the wheezing doesn't temporarily get better after breathing treatments. and then the worry/panic sets back in. and although my attempts to take my mind somewhere else {pinterest as of late}, i still have to go back to a sick baby. i would gladly choose working 50 hours a week, if i knew i was coming home to a happy healthy baby.
i know that i'm not the first mother/family to endure this. and, unfortunately, won't be the last. but this whirlwind of chronic conditions is just not easy. i sit on a cushion of anxiety & worry. and i know that worry does no good, but i can only justify it by natural maternal emotions & it won't stop. i kick myself for taking for granted that our experiences with schweitzbaby two were going to be the same as with baby schweitzberger number one. clearly, life has thrown us a mean curveball. this will pass. he will be healthy again someday. and we will be enjoying our time together & not segregated. deep breathes. love to you all. please give your babies big hugs today.
oh. and i turn thirty on friday. hmph.
Leyna, we fought and fought with Collin his first 2 years! He didn't have RSV, but being born C-section didn't do his lungs any favors. We used a lot of steroids (Prednisone), and then Singulair came out and that made an incredible difference. It was new then and couldn't be given to those under 2 years, but maybe things have changed. Might be worth mentioning.
ReplyDeleteoh friend, you all have been weighing heavy on my mind and heart... I can't imagine what you are going through. you are an amazing, strong mama, that's for sure! things will turn around soon {gosh, I hope!} and you will all be so full of life and energy, that this will just be a blip on the radar for your beautiful family! much love and many hugs and all my healthy vibes!! xoxo
ReplyDeleteLeyna, it is only natural that you will have days where you just feel defeated. That's just part of life. Your positive attitude up to this point has kept you going, but sometimes you just gotta crash. Wallow in it for a little bit, because Gus's situation sucks, both for the little guy AND his loving family. But this CAN'T go on forever. He's bound to get better sooner or later, and like I said yesterday during our chat, at least he's a smiley happy baby and not screaming and crying all the time! I'll be continuing to send positive energy your way, and I can't wait to meet the little guy(s) in a few short weeks!
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