bronchiolitis w/ asthmatic tendencies.

b-e-a-g-g-r-e-s-s-i-v-e! good thing my cheerleading skills are still intact...i'm sure there are some bloggies reading right now that are excited too ;) anyway, doctor visit #17 rolled around this aM. gus had not been showing any significant improvements since sunday's changed meds. so, yesterday was a very stressful, frustrating one, as i watched his chest for "abnormal" retractions. questioning if they were present or not. i held off until today to see our regular doctor, but it's stressful to have to make that decision to seek attention or not!

{on a side note here...when i say "abnormal retractions", i'm referring to abnormal for him. gus is one of those kids that has a floating sternum & the area where the sternum is, sucks deeper into the chest. this means that he has a retraction happening during his normal breathing regardless of illness or struggling to breathe. so, it takes a little closer look to notice if there are troublesome retractions present. and that is why it's difficult to judge that at times}.

after doc had a chance to listen & look at him this morning, he concluded that he's not moving to get that junk out of his lungs as he should be considering the treatments he's been getting. his lungs sounded tight & he was wheezy in his breathing. we would hope he would be a lot better at this stage. so...doc decided to go really aggressive with some outpatient treatments for the next 48 hours & check back in friday morning so he could take a listen again to his breathing.

he's not struggling to take breathes, it's just not a clear {quiet} breath in & out {if that makes sense}. our regimen for the next 2 days now includes a steroid inhalation treatment w/ our regular nebulizer medicine, an oral steroid & the antibiotic. nebulizer treatments need to be done every 2 to 3 hours. they will take twice as long with twice the medicine, so, if you're wondering what i'm doing through the day...you could bet the farm i'm giving a neb treatment. come friday, i hope there are finally improvements...b/c i have a sneaking suspicion that our only option at that point will be back to children's hospital. so that's the latest update. we will barrel through the next 48 hours & lots of caffeine & hopefully see some positive results. please stay tuned. we continue to appreciate your support & inquiries - thanks!

this is 'turtle man'...he is our best friend & he visits us quite often through the day now.

instagram not instacure!

so for months now, i've trolled around looking at friends' instagram photos. not really understanding what instagram was, but i finally checked it out myself...& i immediately deleted retrocamera & flickr from my iPod. instagram is a hit in my book...so much easier to use than retrocamera & i haven't been on flickr in like a year. my pro status expired, not that i'm a pro anyway. so, this is going to be my new sanity saver! as photography has turned out to be my outlet. my positive "thing". my hobby. my interest. what have you. and now that we're still fighting illness in gus, i need something now more than ever! and since i just haven't been able to haul my camera around with me. or find anything beautiful to photograph at the time being...having this along with me may help =)

we are at the 7 day mark of gus having sickness again. each day just seems to bring on more & more. we haven't seen any significant changes in his condition & he's worse in some areas. yesterday afternoon he developed a raspy "voice". although i know he's not talking, it would be like losing his voice if he were an adult like you & i. his cries are so weak & raspy it takes your heart & slams it up against a moving bus, head on. it's saddening. it's wrenching. so, each day we sit & think, is he going to be better if we keep up with our current process. meds, nebs, steroids, antibiotics, hope. how long do we go one more day before admitting him back into the hospital where they can monitor this little guy & take the guessing game away from us?! well, amongst the two & probably counting breakdowns i've had today...i set up yet another appointment with his doctor. after visiting with him tomorrow morning, we will most likely be making a decision about hospitalization. at least, that's what i'm leaning towards. it's been unbelievably stressful to sit each day wondering & not seeing any results. and not knowing what is going on inside that little baby body. we will be in touch with updates. your continued support is appreciated way beyond words i can type. thank you.

my first instagram experience.

doctor visit #16.

this just doesn't end for poor little gus. after not seeing any improvements through the weekend & even worse progress with some symptoms...we headed to the ER sunday. yet another xray {i'm starting to get concerned about all the rays he's been exposed to!?}, i've never even had an xray {sans teeth}?? we just continue to feel so helpless! the treatments we were administering just weren't getting the job done. so we've geared up with a steroid, a new antibiotic & continued nebulizer treatments. within the next 24-48 hours we hope to see an improvement... if not, we may be looking at another hospital visit =( i want to take his frustrating coughs, his wheezy breathes & his sad little cries & make them mine. we ask that you please keep gus in your thoughts & prayers. this little guy is just breaking my heart, i feel so bad for him... he has to come around soon! stay strong little buddy!

sunshine on a cloudy day.

monday morning i brought oliver into the doctor & we came home with a round of antibiotics & children's mucinex for chest congestion & onset of an ear infection. i was crossing my fingers that after a mega-disinfecting spree that gus would be okay. but through the afternoon & evening he started sneezing, coughing & we could tell that he probably wasn't going to be in the clear. tuesday morning he was running a fever, so i didn't hesitate to get him his own doctor's visit. during gus's 15th doctor visit...we agreed to another xray & we determined that a round of antibiotics & nebulizer treatments 4 to 6 times a day would be our best defense. his oxygen levels were up, so i seriously think that was the only thing that saved us another admit into the hospital! yesterday was a less than graceful day with two sick boys at home. and now that i'm on my fourth day handling this...my body is physically wanting to shut down, but my mind is a lot better =) and a typical day looks like this:

3 aM mike clocks out & i clock in for gus duty. warm up the bottle. change his diaper. suction out his clogged nose. soothe him because that makes him extremely mad. grab the bottle & feed. burpies. spit up clean up. nebulizer treatment. soothe him back to sleep hopefully by 5aM. sneak back into bed. smell the coffee brewing by mike & think i should get up & join him but don't want to make a move to wake gus. doze back off to sleep. 7aM gus is stirring again. try to be quiet warming up another bottle to not wake oliver. diaper change. re-swaddle. grab the bottle, my coffee & feed. give him his first dose of medicine after he burps. oliver creeps out of his room. i pray he's having a good morning & doesn't go into meltdown mode after he finds out that dad is at work. whew...he accepts it this morning. run around with gus to get oliver breakfast & throw in a movie. sit back to rock gus. "oh-jay mommy! juice!" dang forgot the juice oliver asked for. get back up & sneak his mucinex into his "oh-jay". prays he doesn't suspect anything. yes! he drinks it. sit gus down to change oliver. fight him to get his pants back on. remind him for the millionth time to not kiss gus. "hey baby...hey baby gus" ...& he settles for a hug. my coffee is cold, warm it back up. nebulizer treatment for gus. pants change for gus. attempt to get oliver's "good stuff" down him...1/2 tsp goes down good...then, he starts playing his game of not liking it anymore. i will attempt again later. "cookies mommy" "no oliver no cookies in the morning" "chocolate mommy" "no buddy no stinking chocolate either" "you want some kix" "yeeeeeeeeeeaaaah" okay i won that battle. oliver changes the movies out & jumps off some furniture for a while. gus is hungry again...warm up another bottle. his eating is so off when he's sick & he's been spitting up more...i change clothes at least 3 times. "where's the dang burp rag?!" finish bottle & burp. i smell poop. it's oliver. put gus in the swing. i change oliver. i fight him to get his pants back on. realize i just used oliver's last diaper in the entire house & diaper bags...crap! i forgot to remind mike to grab some before he got home yesterday. gus is fussing again. i smell poop. i lay gus down to change him. he has an explosion not worth describing...you get it...& that led to bathtime. "baff" "baff" screams oliver. my mom brings by an emergency stash of #4 diapers for oliver. i longed to get him potty trained. i run gus a bath...he's not happy about the no clothes on situation. mom changes oliver...he pooped again. seriously...really. oliver tears into the bathroom & tries to jump into the tub. "wait for gus to finish up please"...okay gus was finished. wrap up little man & hand him off to mom to dress. run a bath for oliver as he jumps into the tub with his pj shirt still on. pull off his shirt. notice he's peeing into his bath water. drain the water. start over. warm water w/ bubbles...he's set. mom leaves. gus relaxes & i put him in the bouncer seat w/ me in the kitchen. oliver refuses to get out of the tub. i make lunch for him. throw in a load of laundry. he drains his water & screams at me to get him out. get oliver dried off. clothes on. in the highchair. gus fell asleep. i load the rest of oliver's medicine into his juice. oliver eats & i wash dishes & bottles. mike texts "how's it going today". oliver is on to my prank with his juice & refuses to drink it, but finishes his lunch for once. okay i'll try the medicine again later...i must dig for some new mama trickery. gus wakes up. oliver is warned it's almost naptime & he replies his usual "no". swaddle gus & rock. oliver is jumping off of furniture again but poses no big threat this time as he made an appropriate pillow landing to fall into. gus calms down & goes into the swing. countdown to naptime for oliver expires & we grab "kee kee" {blanket} & "pup pup" {his stuffed puppy} & he jumps into our bed on daddy's side of course {his usual spot}. kiss. hug. "have a good nap buddy love you". it's 1 pM. both boys are napping. and that, my friends, is success! but i could use a stiff drink ;)

oliver's window art today...i call it

"sunshine on a cloudy day"

the birth story of august michael.

so just when i thought things were going to start getting back to a routine...i'm home with oliver...chest congestion & onset of an ear infection. oh boy! i called the doctor's office first thing this morning after his coughing last night sounded less than normal! we won't be waiting around anymore if something seems awry with these babies! we have to be extra cautious around this household due to our recent stint w/ gus. so we'll be cramming him full of antibiotics & trying to keep him & gus on opposite ends of the house! i'm so freaked out that gus will get sick again too! but, since i find myself at home again after going back to work only two days last week, i thought that i'd recall the day gus was brought into this sick sick world =) and by the way...this is what we thought of mama going back to work - - ---

onto the good stuff...

as you may recall, i was scheduled to be induced as this little bugger did not want to come out on his own =) early monday morning, mike & i arrived at the hospital, checked in & threw on a good ole hospital gown. as i nestled into my home for the next unknown hours, we made certain everyone knew that we were not going to be leaving w/out a baby {outside of my belly}! the monitors were strapped on & i was given my iv...and i am fine w/ this happening, however, this particular time...maybe it was the nerves, but all of a sudden...things started getting fuzzy. i eyeballed the nurse & she noticed that the color had gone from my face. quickly, she turned me onto my left side & strapped on the o2 mask. mike walked in at this moment from filling up his coffee mug & looked at me like "what the heck...i left for 2 seconds & what is happening?!" my blood pressure had dropped suddenly & caused me to about lose it. wonderful start to this magnificent day! i honestly don't know why i reacted that way, but i soon recovered & we proceeded...

since baby man was sitting really high on a lot of fluid, unless i started having really big contractions, his little baby head was not going to move down & break the water. so, bring on the pitocin to get the contractions going. doc came by to check on me & give me some slack for trying to "check out" early before the hard part started =) he was able to break my water & oh my gosh...it felt like i lost 37 lbs! i was finally not in misery...lots of fluid up in there! so we sat back & waited...& the contractions soon began. we had videos the hospital makes you watch either before or after delivery...we opted for before to pass the time. mike got an a+ for participating in the infant cpr video - oh he makes me proud - haha! and after composing myself from videos of sids & infant impact crashes due to improperly installed carseats...i was dilating fairly quick & things started getting uncomfortable. epidural time! this was about the time mom walked into the room as i was straddling a chair as the anesthesiologist was shoving a needle into my back as i tried to sit comfortable...oh the things we do =) almost instantly after i settled back into my home was there relief from the pain. awwwww that feeling of no labor pains! and soon after that, i was soon dilated completely. go time!

my doctor was notified of the progress & he gave the go ahead to start pushing...which i found completely insane since he wasn't in the room instructing me what to do...or to catch the baby when it shot out...but, i went with it. mom & mike suited up...literally...they were going to be playing a very hands on role in this birth. even more so than my delivery with oliver did they play a VERY hands on role. i started pushing & like oliver's delivery, my contractions were coming so close together i couldn't catch my breath & recover in between. so the pitocin was slowed down to increase in-between time. and also, like the first delivery with an epidural, it was very difficult to push...as the sensation of pushing down there is little to none w/ an epidural. the nurse strapped a bar up over across the bed with a rope attached to it. it kind of confused me, but she instructed me to grab a hold & go into a c-curve w/ my back - oh hello pilates...as a pilates instructor, i was constantly reminding my students to pull their belly button towards their spine & make a c-curve with their backs. alas...things were coming together. but no...they didn't. this second round of pushing didn't work to move his head down either...onto the next plan.

in my head, i thought take the dang handle bar contraption off my bed for starters - which they did...& then they shut off my epidural to bring back some sensation. and maybe i was subconsciously anxious about not having the doctor there, i don't know. nothing against my mom or mike for heaven's sake...but they hadn't ever really technically delivered a baby before ;) as i started having pressure back in my pelvis...we gave it another go...and this time the doc was present. everything came together & after a couple of rounds of pushes...on the last one...i opened my eyes, which had been shut the entire time... and saw a little body below me. i watched the doctor unwrap the cord from gus' neck twice...{somewhat disturbing but it happens quite often} & then the nurse asked if i wanted him right on my chest or to take him to the warmer...uhhhhh...chest please! i loved this! i watched mike cut the cord a mere 3 inches from my face - whoa! and then the one thing that i will never forget this delivery...he held my hand. this little baby that loved living in my belly...held my hand! sigh.

i forgot to mention that in between pushing sessions...mike totally spilled the beans to my mom what our baby's name was going to be: august michael. of course, she cried when we told her =) and then we swore her to not tell anyone that we let the cat out of the bag early b/c we had done such a good job keeping it a secret i thought...except...i just told everyone now. and now, gus is here & we just love him so much! it's truly still the hardest most physically exhausting thing i've ever done in my life...but so SO worth it. hugs & kisses little gussy goo goo!

that's very eastery of you.

easter weekend was a busy one for us. we hadn't had that much action in a long time. but it felt good because it wasn't scary hospitals & needles & unpredictable outcomes! it was filled with family & friends & lots of easter goodies. friday was spent at my parents house w/ great grandma, aunt britt, uncle tate & great aunt jan who was visiting from napa valley. the next morning, we had a "boozy brunch" w/ close friends & their babes! kiddo chaos, good food, mimosas & bloody marys to boot! a tradition we decided to carry out as it's so hard to get together like we used to...way WAY back in the day ;) then we were off to visit w/ some michael's side of the family for a bit & to judge an intense chocolate chip cookie contest. spectacular arrival timing on our part if i do say so myself! after the winner was crowned & we all went into sugar overdose, we were back to holstein for the hanson side celebration. we enjoyed more great food, wine & lots of laughs with the cousins. where are all the photos you ask? i was a giant LAMO & didn't get my camera out until sunday, when we were back with the schweitzberger/spooner crew! sorry! i did capture some priceless cousin photos of the kids, however. it reminds me of a photo that my cousins & i have when were about the same age. try to get 5 kids 5 years & younger to all hold still...i love the random pureness of this!