heart, soul & three dozen years in the bag.

i have reached the 3 weeks & counting period of the pregnancy aka 'the i'm ready, no wait, i'm not ready, wait, yes i am, heck i don't know...let's just get this baby out of my body' period. i timed some contractions earlier this week & they consistently came at every 6 minutes. i laid on the couch that night with my mind racing...i still haven't packed my hospital bag. and the house is still a catastrophe! mike has been making so much progress though. i think the urgency factor finally kicked in & i am grateful for that! he's finishing up with the buffing process today & applying stain. he even worked through the day yesterday...his birthday! and might i add...this was his sole decision, i had nothing to do with him slaving away on his birthday...for the record =) oliver & i baked him a "happy happy"...& when i say baked, i mean stacked a nine story oreo cookie cake. something i found on a website once. and since all three of us have a slight addiction to oreos...it was a nine story hit...until oliver decided to play oreo jenga & pick out all the vanilla flavored ones =)

so i've been trying to manage my {somedays uncontrollable} pregnancy induced emotions/hormones/chemical imbalances that i've slowly started to notice creep back into place. down this road again?! i was hoping it would be manageable, but i am starting to feel it slip. it's a road i'm ready to tackle, however. basing a lot of the newborn decisions {like breastfeeding} on this chemical management. i want to be a strong mother. i want to be a mentally healthy mother. and to take on prescription free/unmanaged depression with a newborn & an oliver...is not an option, period. i fully plan on tackling this issue again once schweitzbaby two arrives. i can't & refuse to slip like i did the first time.

but there have been a few things that have made my heart ache & sink lately. it is no lie that my soul was left in the mountains. it's why michael & i have such a connection i believe, b/c we share this similar need. the need to feel the mountain air on our faces & breathe it in. there is a sense of peace & despite the storm we endured the majority of the time we were mountain living {due to the above mentioned issue}...i truly appreciate the way the mountains made me feel. i'm reminded almost daily of the experience of living in colorado. and then comes the crossroads. the heart & soul crossroads. it's a blessing to have family as generous & loving as both of ours. and that's why the heart is here, right where we reside. but the soul...the soul is lost somewhere out west. it's the lifestyle. the experiences. the ease. and something i would surely never take for granted if we were able to live in the mountains once again.

anyway, the reality of both issues here: we are surviving. we will survive. and we will certainly make sure that our babies are given everything they need to thrive =) i'm getting very anxious about how the next 3ish weeks are going to go! i'm anticipating how our family dynamic is going to change! and i'm ready to take on all of the challenges! and now that mike has 3 dozen years in the bag as well, he's one year older & wiser, which makes him all the more proud to take on all of these challenges as well ;) happy happy michael! we love you!